IWSG and More!!!

Hi everyone, It’s that time again for the monthly Insecure Writers Support Group, hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh. The Co-hosts for June are Charity Bradford, S.A. Larsen, AJ Lauer, Tamara Narayan, Allison Gammons, and Tanya Miranda. 

Like most, if not all of you writers, I’m concerned about hooking the reading early. This can be accomplished by having that awesome first line. But a great first line isn’t necessarily necessary. But you should try to hook the reader by the first paragraph, the first page, or the first chapter if possible. 

Click Salem's Daughters Tab Above

I want to keep this post short, so here is the first sentence along with an abbreviated version of the first page from Salem’s Daughters, due out October 1st, 2015: 

This was a hell of a way to hold a monthly meeting and welcome newcomers to the coven ... Emily Livingston ran faster and harder than she thought possible. Her body’s defenses kicked into rapid, automatic responses as the cacophony of her pursuers’ shrieking blasphemy blasted through the late autumn night ... 

Behind her, the mob from surrounding villages and towns had flushed out their coven at the midnight hour. They’d been compromised by one of her closest followers. Olivia Shepherd. I should have known, Emily thought between exasperated breaths. She’s so weak and frail of mind and heart. It probably took those bastards less than an hour to force her to surrender our secret place. Then kill her ... 

Though Emily’s senses were heightened and her awareness of the surroundings at peak levels, she could not find her younger sibling Sarah in the mass panic of dozens of young women running to save their lives; all daughters of those hung at the Salem Witch Trials and other untold witch hunts in the following years. 

What I Finished Reading: I finished the Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series series. All five books. Rick Riordon did an amazing job using Greek mythology to write a modern day epic story. These five books have been a tremendous inspiration for a series I’m currently writing in the same genre. Reviews forthcoming. 

What I’m Reading: White Fire by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, book 13 in the Pendergast series. It’s been far too long since I caught up on Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast. The last book I read from the dynamic duo (outside of the total dud Gideon’s Sword and we won’t waste our time with that) was Fever Dream. So it’s been a lot of fun catching up on one of the best character-driven series I’ve ever read. 

Question: How do you feel about hooking the reader early on? Do you have that one great first line? If so, please share it in the comments. And what are you reading this summer?

IWSG: Releasing A Revision

Hi everyone, It’s that time again for the monthly Insecure Writers Support Group, hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh. The Co-hosts for June are M. Pax, Tracy Jo, Patricia Lynn, Rachna Chhabria, Feather Stone, and Randi Lee.

My Concern This Month is re-editing a thousand pages of text. I’m pretty much taking June off to finish the re-edits for the three books in the Breakthrough series as I prepare to release them as a Box Set. 

Breakthrough was my first book and after re-editing it, in retrospect, it looks like I wrote the original using color crayons. I admit the writing is crude in many places. So I asked my editor to re-edit the first chapter and a few select ones. Due to money constraints, I re-edited the rest. 

Wow! It needed some serious work. And it reads so much better now. But it was my first book, so I’m not going to ding myself for that. 

Example: The books are in the Third Person POV, yet I had so much first person inner dialogue and I used italics for this. Ugh! So I rewrote these parts as speaking dialogue and using humor. 

Before: Staci discerned Bennie’s face and deduced there was dissention in the ranks. Clearly, Tubsy here thinks he should be in charge. 

“That’s great,” he said as he passed in front of Staci and made his way to the coffee pot. “How are we going to do this? Where’s the trade going to take place?” 

Carol snuggled up to Bennie before he could reach the kitchenette. “I’ll make the coffee, you big, loveable, teddy bear.” She squeezed his right buttock. 

Eeewww! Staci wondered what she saw in Bennie. Carol’s beautiful, but Bennie … not so much. He’s not terrible, but she can do so much better. Perhaps she’s not the brightest crayon in the box. Maybe we can exploit her. 

After: Staci discerned Bennie’s face and deduced there was dissention in the ranks. 

“Clearly, Tubsy here thinks he should be in charge.” 

Bennie ignored the comment. “That’s great,” he said as he passed in front of Staci and made his way to the coffee pot. “How are we going to do this? Where’s the trade going to take place?” 

Carol snuggled up to her man before he could reach the kitchenette and squeezed his right buttock. “I’ll make the coffee, you big, loveable, teddy bear.” 

Staci couldn’t resist. “Eeewww! Carol, just what do you see in Bennie. You’re beautiful, but him … not so much. I mean, he’s not terrible. But you can do so much better. Perhaps you’re not the brightest crayon in the box.” 

Carol picked up the gag, wadded it into a ball, and reached for Staci’s mouth. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll shut up. Can’t you take a joke?” 

Before: Staci watched Bennie walk to the front door as if he hadn’t a worry in the world. His duty is to simply oversee a captive tied securely to a solid oak chair and offering no resistance. He thinks I understand my freedom as being dependent upon a clean transfer of captives: Chase first, me second. Simple as that. Yeah, right. We’ll just see about that, chubby chump. 

After: Staci watched Bennie open the door as if he hadn’t a worry in the world. He picked up a neatly folded USA Today that bordered the threshold. Folding it under his right arm, he walked back toward the bathroom. 

Stop By A to Z Blog. Einstein Commands It

She continued the war of words. “Your duty is to simply oversee a captive tied securely to a solid oak chair and offering no resistance. You think I understand my freedom as being dependent upon a clean transfer of captives: Chase first, me second. Simple as that. Yeah, right. We’ll just see about that, chubby chump.” 

Bennie pointed with the newspaper and said, “You be a good girl. I’ll be out in a minute.” 

“A minute,” Staci laughed out loud, staring at his paunchy stomach. “Sure.” 

Finally: I’m posting my Steve’s Science and Other Fun Stuff at the A to Z Blog, as my custom is every first and third Thursday of the month. Take a moment to stop by and enjoy something fascinating about the universe we live in and call home.

  Question: Have you released a second version of your work, or at least considered it?